March 27, 2013

• Wednesday 27th March

   

   

   

  Shearing today.

  I had a quick soak in the spa at 6:30am before the rest of the world woke.

  Actually Shoshannah was up - she is also an early riser.

  She would always be up early to have breakfast with her Dad.

  It was their special time together.

  When I see her sitting at the table quietly eating her porridge all alone in the early hours my heart breaks for her.

   

  Anson & Gary arrived around soon after 7am to begin their days work.

  Shoshannah & Leeann were shedhanding.

  Matt & Jack were helping as well.

   

  Mahalia was determined to help Anna catch her first fish before they left so she was up early and down at the wharf with the fishing rods with Anna & Niamh.

  Once that feat had been achieved the girls helped in the woolshed.

  Marah & Anson said Mahalia did really well.

  It was her first time as a rousie.

   

  I got stuck into the kitchen - have to be on to it to get the food ready for their scheduled breaks.

  I was trying to make bread when Rowena arrived in to help me.

  My head just wasn't in a good space and I wasn't functioning well.

  It was quite a big thing for me because I haven't had to run the kitchen since Tim died.

  It is my usual domain and I have done a few things over the past month or so but never a full day.

  It might not seem much but normally I am in full control and have everything completely organised.

  But not now.

  I just struggle to think clearly and make the smallest decisions.

  I got the bread made and then began the morning tea.

  I made savoury pinwheel scones.

  Rowena & Kate cut up all the onions and tomatoes and grated the cheese for me.

  While I finished them Rowena made gingerbread.

  She flitted back and forth from kitchen to other things that needed doing, like hanging out washing etc.

  She also made a large date loaf for me.

  Morning tea is at 9:30am.

  Marah arrived round so she helped Rowena & Kate take it down.

  She also saw that we were short handed in the shed so she went home to change and came back to help.

  I was quite concerned about her working in the shed as she is in her 3rd trimester of her pregnancy.

   

  I had been able to make a phone call around 9am while it was all quiet, and very firmly and unemotionally tell the people involved in the drama from the previous day that I was not going to tolerate the nonsense and to sort themselves out and stop including me etc.

  I thought that would be enough to sort things.

  But I was wrong.

  The phone calls just didn't stop.

  I was so completely over it, and getting quite upset.

   

  My very dear friends Maurice & Cathy arrived in their yacht.

  They had a cuppa and chatted with us and then pitched in and helped with lunch preparation.

  I made a large fish dish and salads.

  I also put rice on to cook and was devastated at 11:50am to find I hadn't turned it on.

  Lunch is at 12 sharp!

  I ran to the safe to see what was there and found a bowl of cold potatoes so quickly fried them up.

  My loaf of bread turned out beautifully so all was good.

  I put all the food out on the bench, set the table, and then made a cup of liquorice tea and left.

  I was exhausted.

  I collapsed in a chair out in the sun with Cathy & Maurice and caught up on all their news.

  They have a group of friends who go yachting and holidaying together.

  As we talked their friends cruised past.

  

  It really was lovely to see them but I was just so fragile that I was barely containing myself.

  Cathy & I have known each other since we were at Polytec and we roomed at the same hostel and got into mischief together.

  Cathy & I are the same age and Maurice is just a week older than Tim.

  Nearly 8 years between us, yet another link & bond.

  They were telling me of their travel and holiday plans for the coming year etc and everything just caved in.

  I have been struggling with not ever having any more holidays with Timmy and this just bought it all too close.

  Thank goodness for sunglasses

   

  When they cruised off lunch was over.

  I heated myself up some food but really wasn't hungry, so didn't get around to eating it for a while.

  I got afternoon tea ready.

  Abby made the cheese toasties which was a big help.

  I was making some white chocolate, boysenberry & apple muffins when Phoebe phoned to say the mailboat was on it's way.

  I am so incredibly blessed with my two daughters-in-law.

  They are so supportive and loving.

  I just cried and cried and she listened and sent hugs over the phone

  The on going phone calls were adding to my stress and were just tipping me over the edge.

   

  Rowena cleaned the Cottage and packed up their car.

  I was on the phone organising insurance for my new Nissan when she came to say they were all ready to leave.

  While the muffins cooked I went up to say goodbye.

  Matt had been such a tremendous help.

  He had picked up the third handpiece and had taken the weight off Anson.

  Because there were 140 sheep more than he had originally thought he and Gary would've really been stretched to finish the mob in 2 days, but Matt picked up the slack and got them back on target.

  Here is the lovely family before they piled into their car and headed out.

  

   

  Bri & Cat were working in the shed.

  Clearing it out and preparing to fit in a large stainless work bench.

  Had to grab a pic of Rowena with her two girls she used to bathe and help look after when she lived with us all those years ago.

  Don't think she would have much chance of getting them into the bath these days

  

   

  I got the afternoon smoko ready and Abby took it down for me at 3pm.

  She bought the mailbag back up so I sat and opened mail while I ate my lunch.

  Marah asked Abby if she would be able to help in the shed because it was getting to much for her, so she did.

  From all accounts it was a great experience for our primary school teacher

   

  Azzan has not been doing well for the past couple of days.

  He has been telling me his throat is sore and there is blood.

  I haven't paid too much attention apart from giving him cuddles and sending him off to rest.

  However, I had a look tonight and found he has several large ulcers.

  Poor wee fella.

  I know from personal experience how painful they are.

  So we began a course of mouthwashes etc to try and get on top of them.

   

  Seb had been out doing mussel work all day.

  He popped around to see me when he came to get the trailer.

  He is off to town so I gave him some things to deliver for me.

  It was good to talk some thing over with him.

  Because of all the excess emotional pressure I have had to put up some protective boundaries.

  I am not answering the phone now.

  The kids are fielding my calls whenever possible.

  At night I am unplugging the phone and turning off my cell.

  This makes it really difficult for me because I have always been available for my children to call at any hour.

  I sat with my laptop at the kitchen table surrounded by mail and paperwork.
  

  Managed to do some online banking, and pay the gst.
  

  Also did the change of ownership for my new Nissan.
  

  Ant is getting the transport of it sorted so all is good
  

  .

   

  I had found some casseroles in the freezer so had them for dinner with minted potatoes and stirfried cabbage.

  Also made a large pear & kiwifruit crumble for dessert.

  We waited for Anson, Gary & Marah to come back for dinner at 7pm but at 7:30pm gave up and started serving.

  They arrived soon after.

  Noel arrived in the 'Tardis' and came up to talk with me.

  We sat outside and talked through a whole lot of stuff, so am hoping things will run smoothly now.

   

  By the time he left dinner was over and dishes cleaned up.

  I found some food and ate while talking with Gary & Anson.

  Then they left and it was time to head off to bed.

  I was so incredibly exhausted I just fell straight onto my pillow.

   

  My friend Roni sent me this poem today which really touched me.
  

  Reduced me to tears again but says it all so well.
  

   

  The Path...

  Tim -

  You leave behind such memories
  That loved ones will hold dear
  They'll take them down the path of life
  Though that path may seem unclear

  It's missing that bright sunny warmth
  And those skies of blue
  That always seemed to be there
  When they walked that path with you

  Today they gather together
  As you watch them from above
  And learn to walk a new life path
  Now lit with just your love

  They start out with uncertainty
  It's not the path they knew
  When they walked life's path before
  Hand in Hand with you

  Your light will never fade
  It gets brighter every day
  As you lead them down the path
  And you show them the way

  So guide them with a gentle hand
  Down that Path Unknown
  And help them through the twists and turns
  As they make their way back home

  Those last few steps may be quite hard
  And difficult to bare
  But the path ends at Heaven's Gate
  And they will find you there

  So begin your journey today my friends
  Keep pushing through the pain
  He waits for you at Heaven's Gates
  And you will be together again

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

  • 2:33 pm
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