We are having ongoing issuers with the plumbing here.
Seems to have stemmed from when the water pipe was burnt a few weeks ago.
Graham & Anson fixed that and then decided to clean out the dam.
That caused a large airblock, and then a lot of rubbish blocked filters, causing more problems down stream further.

This morning I discovered there was no hot water pressure in the showers.
I had to improvise, had a quick spa and as there were no chemicals in it yet I began submerged my head to get it wet.
Then into the bathroom and finished washing my hair under the hot tap which was sorta of running in the basin - enough to get my hair clean anyway.

Text Graham to tell him we had yet another problem with the water so he came down to fix it.
Then he also fixed the washing machine so I can now get hot water flow in it.

 

We set too and had a big clean up this morning.
Helene swept and vacuumed the living room and kitchen floors.
Then she cleaned the inside bathroom.
Mahalia helped to tidy the living room and put things away in the attic cupboard so the stairs are useable again.
Shoshannah got more done in Azzan's room.
Then left Azzan to sort out his clothes as he is having to pack for Auckland soon.

I got to in the kitchen and made up two large dishes of macaroni cheese plus a wheat free one for Shoshannah.
Cut up a coleslaw and made date scones.
Also did some more sorting in the school room.

Marah & Anson arrived round before midday.
There was the normal banter gong on between the brothers.
But Azzan really took the cake this time.
He echoed Marah when she was telling Anson to stop being such a grumpy old bag.
And then he said, 'It won't be long and you will be a Bag Dad'!

Gabrielle & Simon got here soon after with their two wee darlings, Eva & Lucia.
The girls had cut up carrot and capsicum sticks and we sat around and ate them with cornships and dip and cups of tea and coffee and chatted.
The little girls explored.
I discovered that I no longer have a child proof house and also have no little children toys.
I am going to have to rectify that soon I guess!

Azzan played with Lucia on the trampoline and took her to visit the animals.
After lunch Mahalia and Helene took the two wee ones down to the beach for a walk.
Thanks girls
I know from past experience how much that type of break from busy wee folk is appreciated by the parents.

Gabrielle had brought some baby things around for Marah.
Phoebe and Seb arrived home from their Fiji holiday.
Lovely for Phoebe & Marah and Gabrielle to get to know each other.

The men had some guy time talking outside.
Anson went out in the boat with Azzan to get some mussels.
Then he headed off to Rai Valley to pick up a trailer load of stuff from Paul.
Marah went back home for a rest - only 3 weeks till D-day so she needs to get her feet up often.

The babysitters brought the girls back inside and it was soon obvious that they needed to head home - hopefully sleeping on the way

Mahalia & Eva
Eva loved it here, she didn't want to go home.
When we told her that next time there would be a little baby for her to visit she said she would rather there was a giraffe

Tongues are interesting aren't they?

Helene and Lucia - what gorgeous big eyes she has.

 

Simon & Gabrielle, it was great to have you.
Thanks for coming.
Looking forward to seeing you again real soon.
Have a great holiday

For the rest of the afternoon Helene & Mahalia went kayaking.
Azzan had a shower and watched a movie.
Shoshannah reclined on the couch and read her book.

Seb & Phoebe had lots to tell about their holiday - we checked out all their photos.
They had a great time.

We had a lot to catch up on and talk over.
So despite them being rather weary from the traveling home they were not in a desperate hurry to rush over to Waterfall Bay.
It was really good to have the time to talk things through and make some decisions as to what to from here.

Dinner was a help yourself affair.
Azzan made some grilled cheese mussels.

S&P finally made the move towards home.

Jesika skyped to talked to Azzan & Mahalia this time.
Then I got them off to bed and talked for a while.

Now it is time for me to head to bed.
Only really go tomorrow to get a lot done before heading back out to town on Tuesday.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If I am counting in months then today is 3 months today since I lost my heart.

3 long, long months.

I am still counting the days and weeks, but I guess in time it will come down to months and years.

But no matter how time is counted the pain is still the same.

 

 

I got Helene busy cleaning the outside bathroom and washhouse area first thing.

Anson came around midmorning to help with a few things.
It was still wet outside and he was keen to go for a hunt but happy to help us first.
He jollied Azzan into helping him fill the spa.
I was in the study at one point and all I could hear was a lot of joviality between him and the kids and then he launched into singing, 'Baby you light up my world like nobody else....' and I could hear comments being slung about a group called 'No Direction'

 

Shoshannah was keen to get stuck into more of the clean up operation and decided it was time to move the storage unit from my bedroom into the hall.
She cleared everything out from under the stairs.

Then we discovered that the storage shelves were nailed to the wall so we called Anson back and he applied his brute strength to them and soon had them free.

Azzan unloaded everything out of the all over my bedroom!

They were quite heavy and awkward to move

Got the bottom one in place.

Top one on, but too far to the left for me as I was wanting them to be tucked in as close to the stairs as possible.
They had quite a lean on and Anson was trying to convince me that they would be just fine like that

There are a couple of pipes from the old radiators in the way so I suggested that he turn the unit over and make the top the bottom as it was rubbish board, and then he could cut a hole to make room for the pipes.
That would be easier than cutting off the pipes.

He cut one and then we discovered the unit needed to be moved 3.5" to the right so he had to recut two holes then.
But the finished results were just right.
Plus the stairs made a perfect anchor spot to secure it to with the nail.

Azzan then transferred all the board games into the top shelves.
Perfect spot for them.

I also now have a home for the vacuum cleaner in the gap under the stairs.
Because it is a commercial cleaner and is quite big, it has never had a proper home.
Shoshannah restapled all the photos we had to take down back onto the family gallery wall.

 

So this was what my bedroom looked like

I figured if I was going to get to bed tonight I would have to start sorting through it all.

I found all the children's baby card scrapbooks.
As some of them were over 30 years old the tape was coming unstuck and the cards were all loose so I got the glue stick into action and quickly reattached them to the pages.
I think it is time I distributed them to children!

I also found a large box of photos and educational certificates of mine and Tim's.
Azzan was most interested in all the certificates and enjoyed finding Tim in several of his old school photos.

Underneath them all were lots of letters.
I found a bundle Tim had written to me about 40 years ago.
I started reading them but then decided I would savour them later when I had more time.

I was rather amused to find this one amongst them.
I was on holiday at my aunt and uncles at the time.
He often used to mail letters like this - must have caused great amusement to the posties.
His nickname for me was Rabbit.
Hence the title.

 

I had to make some progress as time was moving on, so soon got some of the bigger boxes of stuff relocated.
I am trying to be as ruthless as possible as I go so am building another large pile near the backdoor of things that are leaving the house.
The back of the Regulus is almost full so I will have to make a 2nd load and maybe even a third.

 

Shoshannah did some cooking with Azzan.
Mahalia & Helene went fishing in the rain.
It was funny to see them down at the end of the wharf fishing under an umbrella!
Mahalia is catching spotties to feed to the cats.
The cats are full and contented at the moment which is great.

The rain began to clear and by 5pm the bay was as millpond mirror calm.

 

I was getting totally over all the mess so tried to get more cleared away before dinner.
Started sorting the large cupboard in Azzan's room aka the school room.

It was a very historic!
Full of all my leftover craft & hobby activities from throughout the years.
Soft toy making, felt toys, fabric painting, embroidery, smocking, bead making, plaster casting, lino cutting, patchwork and quilting, sewing, knitting, etc.
There was also all the projects all the children had done during their school years.
The projects were kept but most of the craft gear is going.
No point in keeping what the kids are not going to use.

 

It was all too soon dinner time, I had hoped that the children would take responsibility for getting dinner on the table but they were all waiting for me to activate things.
I kicked butt quickly and we were soon eating.

Azzan had made foccacia bread/biscuits which we ate with the leftover chilli con carne.
Interesting, tasty and crunchy.

Jesika skyped Shoshannah after dinner.
I let her use my laptop so she could have some quiet and privacy in my room rather than in the lounge.
I found her stretched out on my bed later on, both the girls on either side of the Tasman yawning away, tired and sleepy but neither wanting to cut the connection
It is great today that they can have this communication which reduces the distances between them a little.

Once I got the three darlings off to bed I skyped with Jesika for a bit longer.
Then it was time to head off to bed myself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The previous day was so tumultuous day my brain was totally fugged.
I ended up taking a hot mug of mocha to bed along with a slice of Camembert and some chilli chocolate and watching an episode of 'John Deed'.
Azzan still wasn't completely asleep when I got to bed so he tossed and turned and didn't actually go to sleep until way after 1am.
It was around 2:30am before I finally drifted off to sleep.

 

I was woken at 7:30am by a phone call.
Just Helene's mother calling her from Belgium.

I staggered out to the kitchen and spent the next hour talking with Angela & Rut.
They were waiting for the kids to wake so they could say goodbye.
I was in a better frame of mind for socialising so we had a pleasant time before they left.
Shoshannah fed them some left over fruit crumble from our last nights dessert.
It always makes a good breakfast.
Mahalia & Azzan finally woke and they were able to come and say their goodbyes before the girls hit the road.

Helene finished painting Azzan's room so she cleaned up all the gear and put things away and wiped up spilled paint that had been traipsed down the hallway.

Rain was threatening.

By the time Anson arrived around midmorning it was setting in.
He took the kids down to the woolshed to help do a kill.
Shoshannah was helping Anson as she wants to learn how to kill a mutton.
Azzan was all decked out in his pjs, one of Halia's cast off jackets and umbrella - perfectly dressed for the job

 

Shoshannah was very thrilled with herself afterwards as she had killed one all by herself.
She and Helene helped to skin the sheep and then carry them up to the meatsafe to hang.
These are the least gorry photos that were taken.

Skip down past next two photos if you are at all squeamish!!

 

 

Shoshannah with the skinned muttons.

The girls ready to carry two of them up to the safe.

 

 

Love this photo.

Anson cooking up the guts.
To be able feed them to the dogs they have to either be cooked for a certain period of time above a specific temperature, or frozen for a specified time.

He looks like he is is straight out of the pages of Macbeth.
'Double, double toil and trouble;
 Fire burn, and caldron bubble.'

 

Meanwhile back in the house amongst the daily mundane I was helping Mahalia sort out photos for her large multiframe.
I took a break to have lunch and watch a 'John Deed' episode.
Mailboat came.
Interesting assortment of mail, including some large canvases of Tim and me that I had ordered.
While I was getting them done for the kids I thought I would like some for me.
But now they have arrived I am not so sure.
It might be good to have his face on my wall but I would rather have him in my bed 

 

Mahalia had already chosen the family photos she wanted so helped me resize them all to fit her frames.
I got the photos all sorted and lined up on Pages ready to print.
Amongst them was this one of my two youngest darlings.
They can be so niggley towards each other but at other times they are so sweet.

 

The afternoon was fairly chilled out.
Before dinner I carried on sorting out some of the boxes of stuff.
Managed to get the sewing patterns done and now have just a few left.
Pointless hanging on to so much just in case.
No doubt in time the rest will be biffed out too.
Am just doing it in stages.

 

We had dinner - had pulled a chilli con carne out of the freezer - thanks Abby
Azzan began clearing the table before we had all finished.
There was some banter about it.
He made a comment which really hit my heart.

He said, 'there's no fun in this house any more.'

It belted me with a heap of very confused emotions all in one blow.
I felt angry.
I felt really sad.
I felt distressed.
I felt helpless.

After dinner we were looking at more photos as I got them all finished off.
Helene and Mahalia were sitting beside me on the couch and Azzan was jiggling around behind me.
I was trying to get him to go to bed, of at least to sit still and give me a shoulder massage.
They were talking about some foreign words as the kids like to learn different languages.
I heard them say 'l'amour' which made me think of the old Dean Martin song 'That's Amore' so I found it on YouTube and played it to them.
Of course I had to sing along with it with gusto.
Helene played along with me and we ended up having a crazy laughing time over it.
Don't think I have sold them on Deano yet
But we did laugh and we did have fun together.

 

I insisted that Azzan sleep in Shoshannah's spare bed so finally got him off to bed.
The girls all headed off around 9pm.
I banked up the fires and got some dessert and headed to my bed.
The rain was still falling steadily.

 

Before and throughout dinner I was receiving some very upsetting texts.
I am sadly realising that someone I thought of as a friend last year is actually completely mentally unstable and is causing me a lot of angst.
I don't know what to do about it.
I cannot divulge much here but the person is creating some major problems for us.
I am almost at the point of going to the police about it.

 

Tonight I am feeling anxious, scared, sad, and unsure.
I so wish I wasn't having to deal with all of this without Tim.
I feel completely abandoned.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Anson was up early so he could drive along the beach and load the bales of wool on the truck while the tide was low.

I could hear him trundling along the beach around 7:30am.

He took them up to the top of the hill and loaded them on the truck at 11am.

I had Helene & kids primed that I wanted to get the living area cleaned up.

We are in such a pickle at present with stuff everywhere, that I have to feel like one room of the house is actually tidy and sorted.

So after breakfast Helene skinned the pot of pumpkin I had cooked up last night, and pureed it in the processor ready for soup.

Then she swept the floor while Shoshannah folded washing.

I was getting mentally prepared for a business meeting so I was showered and dressed relatively early - for me!

Azzan was very reticent to get out of bed, but as he had GO at 9am I started kicking him along soon after 8am.

Because the kitchen was busy I told him to skype on my laptop on my bed rather than on the computer in the living room.

He arrived with a plate of sausages and eggs, a cup of jelly and a glass of juice!

Alright for some!

I was too busy to take a lot of notice of what they were talking a bout today but whatever it was kept him occupied and involved for some time which was great.

 

Shoshannah had taken a call while I was in the shower from some friends of Cat's wanting to visit.

All I knew was that they were coming today, didn't know when.

Because I was so busy and hadn't actually talked with them myself I then forgot, so I was a bit taken aback when they arrived.

I was flat out trying to clear the kitchen of all Shoshannah's gear, make soup etc and was falling over in desperation to get some food as I hadn't had a chance to have breakfast yet.

My head was splitting despite taking Panadol earlier.

I was also completely overwhelmed emotionally as I had a lot of angst churning in my head with the proposed meeting and was just not able to deal with visitors that I didn't know.

I carried on with what I needed to do, and finally was able to sit down and eat some food.

Shoshannah was preparing food so she happily entertained them.

Azzan poked his nose out as well but then had to scurry back to his lessons.

The guests were wanting to talk about Tim.

I was so not up to that this morning - not a good day for me to be able to share my emotions and feelings with outsiders.

I can tough it out sometimes but other times I am just feeling far too fragile and rather than risking cracking up in front of strangers I have to walk away.

Anson & Mahalia arrived and helped with the entertaining as they also knew the girls.

I had made a large pot of soup so invited everyone to help themselves.

I was grateful that a phone call took me away from the bustle of the kitchen.

It was really good to talk & cry on Ella's shoulder for a while.

 

I had the impending meeting hanging over my head - finally scheduled it for 2pm so Anson had time to muster a few sheep down to the shed.

The girls helped the kids clean up lunch and then they all vacated and went off fishing.

Azzan was at a loose end & didn't want to fish with the girls so I sent him packing outside.

He walked round to see Marah so she took him walking.

 

Anson arrived at the same time as our skipper and his partner.

It was a very stressful meeting.

I am having to make some tough decisions.

Thankfully Anson was able to side track the partner away so I could have a one on one, less emotional talk with our skipper.

We sorted a lot of things out.

It is so difficult having to take up the reins from Tim at times like this.

We worked so well together.

We were a good team, balancing each other.

We used to talk through all the decisions and I am so missing having him here to discuss everything with and decide matters together.

Now I am having to call the shots on my own and I don't like it.

I'm mad, angry, upset at having been left in the lurch dealing with this alone.

When he finally left I just sat and cried.

I was emotionally drained.

 

Anson went home for a very late lunch and then went out to help do a harvest on Tardis.

Marah came around and had dinner with us.

I had taken a Malayan fish dish out of the freezer, and managed to burn the pot of boiled pumpkin.

I am becoming the burnt pot queen around here

It cant have been too bad though cuz Helene ate all the left over pumpkin - she has gone nuts over it.

They don't eat pumpkin as a popular vege like we do.

Azzan cut up & roasted a large amount of potato chips.

I thawed some containers of frozen kiwifruit and pears and Shoshannah made a delicious crumble topping with dates and coconut in it to go on top of the fruit for dessert.

I am trying to use food from the freezers as much as possible to try and get them emptied a bit as they are all so full right now and we don't have any spare room for meat when Anson kills a beast next.

 

After dinner I sat and talked with Marah while I sewed on the buttons of the wee hoodie I have just finished for Sunni & Mat.

It is so cute.

Can't wait to see it being worn

 

The kids went off to bed after the dishes were cleaned up.

Marah & I talked for ages.

It was good to be able to cry and process things with someone else.

She is being such a help with the kids while I can't give them much extra right now.

I am barely coping with me and have been struggling to give the young ones the individual support they each need.

I am just so grateful that my boys and their ladies are close in proximity and spirit right now.

 

Anson came back home so Marah took his plate of dinner to him.

Azzan is finally asleep - he's in my bed still as Helene is still painting his bedroom.

She is nearly finished thankfully.

It is looking so good - lovely and fresh.

I will get his curtains done soon and hopefully we have enough carpet left to put down to make his room a bit warmer for the winter.

Then I will get my bed back

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I tried all day to get time to have a shower.
But things kept coming at me and I never got there until mid afternoon.

First I went to use the washing machine and discovered we had no high pressure cold water.
That stops all water usage in the wash house and back door taps, so no toilet flushing, washing machine, etc.
I called up Anson & Graham.
Graham had already been down but I had not known in time to catch him.
He came back down to help.
Anson was already busy in woolshed pressing bales, so he came and helped Graham.
It appeared that when they fixed the burnt pipes a large airblock had occurred.
They finally got some water flowing and left all the taps open for a while to clear it.
The washing finally got done later in the arvo.

 

Mahalia & Helene went out to shovel up horse poo from all over the lawns.
That was dumped on the rhubarb so hopefully we will have a fantastic crop soon.

Helene carried on with painting Azzan's room.
Unfortunately she is running out of paint, but we will do some improvising with colours.

Azzan woke up feeling yuck so stayed in bed for a while.
Marah came round with Anson and she jollied him in to wellness again.

 

My day just seemed to be taken up with trying to solve problems.
Just seems to be so much to try and deal with.
I am trying to not let it all overwhelm me but some things have to get done.
I am trying to run a business with people who are letting me down bigtime.
That is becoming very concerning and I am having to make some very serious decisions.

Funnily enough there was a TV mini series called 'The Foundation' many years ago with a central character called Davinia Prince.
After her husband dies from a heart attack she aspires to lead her husband's business empire.
Tim would often josh around and refer to me as Davinia Prince.
Little did he know :-/

 

I had a long conversation on phone with the guy from Nelson Marlborough Rescue Helicopter Trust who flew in to rescue Tim.
I just want to endorse this amazing Trust.
They are wonderful.
Compassionate, efficient, and human.

I am digging deep right now and uncovering some major stuff re the accident which needs to be dealt with so no one else has to endure what we did.
It basically all is coming down to major budget cuts which allow for serious failings in the system.
The 'system' being government funded public service organisations.

 

As well, we are in the midst of a huge major house clean up so there are piles of stuff everywhere as we continue to sort and move furniture and boxes around and out.

The kids loaded a lot of the 'out' stuff into the back of our vehicle so it is already for taking to recycling.
Trouble is the back of the Regulus is half full already and there is a heap more to go out and we also need to pack our own town bags in there somewhere.
Could be a cosy trip to town next week!!

 

On top of all this I have a young daughter who is not coping well with her grief and emotions and is taking her sadness out on us.
I completely understand but I cannot cope with division.
We have to hold close right now.

 

Shoshannah is cooking up some very interesting food as she is wheat and yeast free.
She is also eating her main meal at breakfast time so saves dinner for the next morning and eats breakfast at night.
She is prepared to give anything a try to get on top of her health issues.
I'm just thankful she is independent & capable of doing all of this for herself.

Mahalia & Helene went fishing off the wharf again.
They brought up some lovely fresh fish.
Mahalia had filleted it beautifully.

 

Mahalia went round to spend the night with Marah & Anson.
I fried up her fish, boiled some pumpkin and made a salad.
It was a most delicious dinner.

Helene, Shoshannah and I watched 'Cowgirls and Angels' while we ate.
Azzan jumped ship and went off to watch something that didn't involve horses!

 

The night turned quite cool so we were all sitting there huddled up in our dressing gowns.
Shanni lent one to Helene, it was too late to light the other fire.
They headed off to bed once the movie finished.

Jesike skyped me and we talked wedding plans for ages.
Problem with Melbourne being two hours behind us I was wiped out by 11pm but it was still only 9pm over there and Jesika was still percolating well

 

I had washing in the dryer but was too tired to wait for my pjs to dry so ended up falling into bed with my summer pjs on and a cuddly blanket wrapped around me to keep me warm.

Azzan was snoring soundly still plugged in to his iPod.
I didn't read for long - so tired.

 

There was one lovely happy moment in my day.
I received an email from Les with this photo he had taken here in Sept '83.

Tim & I with our three eldest babies

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The house is in a complete turmoil with stuff everywhere at the moment.

We are all cleaning and sorting.

The first job of the morning for Helene was to process the 2 bins of capsicum that Graham had kindly brought in on Sunday.

You could've heard the groans of the kids (and me actually) for miles when they arrived

Not to sound ungrateful, but the thought of processing more vegetables right now was just all together too much.

But Helene happily carried on with them and with the accompaniment of some loud music.

I was expecting Anson & Graham down to help get some things done but they got held up doing some other stuff up the hill so I decided to make some date scones while we waited.

The guys & Marah's arrival timing was perfect - just as the scones were coming out of the oven!

So we had morning tea together - well, I tried, but had to take several phone calls, which meant I ended up drinking several cups of tepid tea.

Graham sent Azzan off to get his tools and then they fixed some rotten boards in his bedroom.

Anson & Helene went to look for paint and brushes etc.

Then Helene & Azzan began painting his bedroom.

Azzan was very happy and excited to finally be doing this, and he actually did a really good job without making a mess.

This was just before Graham ripped this shelving unit off the wall.

It was well nailed on there.

When Tim put things up he made sure they were going to stay there!!

 

Anson & Graham wanted me to go down to the woolshed to do a recce with them so I changed my slippers for sneakers and headed down the path.

There are a lot of repairs needed down there so we talked through a lot of ideas and did some measuring.

The guys hopped up into the rafters to check out some stuff - they looked like a couple of large rats up there fossicking around

The woolshed is nearly 100 years old.

It sits on the edge of the sea and gets hammered by winds and waves.

It has survived floods and storms, but it is now needing a lot of tlc.

 

I have been down here lots over the years but today I was taking note of these doors and wondering what they had been used for.

Then saw the rings on each side and the indentations in the concrete step and deducted that the scows must've come in on this side of the wharf to load the sheep.
When I arrived here we used to send stock out on the barge but always loaded from the other side of the wharf.

The scow would've tied up to the rings and the stock ramps would've been held in place by in the indents.

 

While I was reminiscing on the history of the place I was also helping Graham measure.

Anson found the 'PL3' was very full of water as it was not sitting at a good angle.

He and Graham did some major leveraging and propped the bow up on higher blocks, then Anson cleaned heaps of muck out of the hull to clear the bung was clear and soon the water began pouring out.

Poor old lady, she has some stories to tell.

 

Shoshannah tidied up all the materials in the sewing room, and cleaned the room.

She made some wheat free pizza and then went for a walk with Marah.

 

I got some lasagne out of the freezer for dinner.

Had lots to do but ended up having a day of phone calls and long conversations.

Have some business stresses happening at the mo which were occupying my time.

I'm trying to sort through things here but there is so much to go through that I seem to be going from one room to the next and it feels like I am not achieving much - but I am sure we are slowly.

 

We watched 'Kiwi Flyer' while eating our dinner.

It was hilarious.

I was rolling off my chair in stitches throughout most of it.

So glad I finally made time to see it.

 

I got the kids off to bed and then followed.

Azzan is sleeping with me again - but this time from necessity as his room is being painted and is in total chaos.

Mahalia's loaf of bread finished cooking so I went to take that out of the breadmaker and couldn't resist a crust of it with butter and Vegemite.

I watched another episode of 'John Deed', was very restless and couldn't settle.

Read my kindle book and then dozed.

Didn't get to sleep till way after 2pm.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was barely functioning when Azzan came bounding into my bedroom ready to start the cleaning and sorting job we had talked about last night.

I was like 'Get Out!'

 

So while I continued to wake up and catch up on some computer work this is what the two youngest got up to.

I found the evidence on my camera much later

Azzan did ask to use my camera as he wanted to record photos for his recipe book he wants to create.

Obviously he is going to do an artistic blow by blow account of how to make things.

This is his hot chocolate

And obviously his mother was still in bed or else he would only have had 1 marshmallow and definitely no chocolate chips!

 

Then they disappeared off on a Onesie photoshoot!

 

Don't you just love the extensions that Margaret did on Mahalia's legs, same on arms?

 

 

 

Once I was finally up and all were breakfasted we began.

Shoshannah and I started on the sewing room.

We cleared the table and then spent some time trying to figure out how to get it out of the small room with a tight door area.
We turned it over and around a few times and then finally got it at the right angle to maneuver it out and along the hall and into the living room.

 

Shoshannah cleared all the school stuff and her desk from the alcove in the kitchen and then fitted the table in place.
She then sat at the kitchen bench and sorted the sewing drawer out as it was in a real mess.
She is very tired, but at 15 she is not comprehending that her emotional stress and grief is knocking her so hard physically.

 

Mahalia went through all her clothes with Azzan having fun trying on anything that might fit him, then Shoshannah went through them all again before they were finally bagged up and piled ready to take out to the op shop.

She emptied a large old duchess that I had art stuff stored in and moved it into her room.
So now I have her empty set of drawers waiting in the hall for a home

 

Azzan's forte is sorting so I got him onto the dvds.
Unfortunately he not able to actually finish a sorting job without input from me as he hasn't yet got the maturity to know what needs to be kept and what needs to be biffed.
He did get the sets all sorted and a box of maybes, so I carried on later and we got them all tidied up and made room for all the family photo cds.

In amongst all of this I was trying to clean out a shelving unit in my room so I can get it emptied and moved, think about what to have for dinner, sort out the freezer, etc.

 

I was running on an emotional empty for the afternoon with a lot of unnecessary business stress pushing my buttons.
Graham came down before dinner to check out Azzan's rotten floor so we talked some more about the night of the accident.
He has been sussing out some more information for me from other folk who were dragged into the drama.
The more I hear the more confused and angry I am about the mismanagement by the police.

I made a Morrocan Chicken dish for dinner which we had with mashed pumpkin and potato chips.

Banana & berry smoothies for dessert - yum

Anson arrived back from town with Helene our Belgium wwoofer.

She had dinner whilst being entertained by Azzan.

We talked some more after the kids and then I managed to get everyone off to bed and out of the house by 9pm.

I watched some more of 'John Deed' while waiting for the bread to finish cooking.

Fell asleep watching a movie.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I stayed under my covers until Mahalia brought me breakfast.

The wee sweetie had made me poached eggs on toast with a mug of licorice tea.

I got her to bring in my new jar of capsicum chilli jam and I added that to the eggs - so good

I knew the three wwoofers were leaving this morning so I needed to be up to say goodbye by midmorning.

So after I finished my delicious breaky and had knitted a few more rows I got up and had a shower.

Something in the water brought on the tears and I crumbled 

 

Christophe and Héléna watched Anson shear the sheep they had brought down yesterday.

Marah came round to do the wool.

They had all cleaned their rooms and were ready to leave before lunch.

Margaret left first as she wanted to stop off to visit Clarrie & Sythe where she had wwoofed before coming here.

I was really struggling to hold it together while they were all saying their goodbyes.

Azzan was being his crazy out there self.

Anson went out to get mussels.

Once they had all gone I totally lost it and sobbed and sobbed.
Marah was there and just held me close and let me cry.
I so love that girl

I got some lovely Mothers Day messages from my four 'away from home' girls - love you all so much xxxx

 

While I had a short chat with Anson Marah spent time with Mahalia.
She was upset so Marah suggested she go out for a walk and find Olly.
So she went and spent time with him and brought him back with her.
She is finding it warm & comforting to wear her Dad's downie jacket.

He grazed the lawn alongside Shoshannah's lamb, but while she was in the shower he decided to cruise the rest of the garden!
Naughty Olly

 

Anson & Marah headed home to get ready for town.
They are doing an overnighter.

 

It was actually nice to finally have the house to ourselves.
Shoshannah immediately got loose in the kitchen and cooked up a storm.
Decided we wouldn't have lunch or dinner - just cook one meal and have an early dinner.

 

Graham came for a visit.
We got talking about a number of things so he didn't get to go home for a while.

Because I have to write a letter to the Coroner and tell what happened from our end I am trying to get facts straight from all who were involved on that terribly night.
It is 12 weeks now so the memories are not as clear as they were then.
Also with all the stress and trauma things were such a blur at the time.

Phoned and talked things over with Sandra and Conny and got their take on things.
I am feeling angry and frustrated so it is a good thing to be getting my teeth into.
I need answers and I need facts.

 

Today I was also very fragile and not coping with unnecessary stress so was incredibly short and bad tempered with an incorrigible Azzan, who was pushing me to the max, and also with some phone calls who were adding to my frustrations.
I did the best thing.
Cut off the phone.

Hopped onto my bed with the kids and we ate our dinner - pasta & salmon salad, corn fritters and sausages - while watching a movie - 'Amazing Racer'.
It was a little poignant as it was about a girl who's father had died in a plane crash.
It was based on a true story and lovely to get involved in.

Azzan was totally disgusted as he was not interested in watching 'another horse movie'!
So he went off and watched some more of 'Glee'.

 

I sent Mahalia & Azzan out to do the dishes once it was finished.
I could see Mahalia was upset so I sent Azzan off to bed and we sat on the couch and cuddled for a while.
She cried and cried and cried.
She talked about all the things she missed about her Daddy, his smile, his hands, his voice, his laugh, the way he walked, his footsteps coming up the hall....
I can't take away her pain, but I can share it with her.
We all are bearing so much pain and grief it is overwhelming at times.
And today it was a hard day for us all.
The other two came out and we had a communal hug time.
We talked some more about what we want to do this week, and made some plans.

The girls finally went off to bed but Azzan decided he needed to sleep with me.
So he is now cuddled up with William sound asleep beside me, still connected to his iPod.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Anson came around at 7:30am to take the three children and Christophe out mustering the Rabbit's Block.

They drafted the sheep up and brought some of them back down the Bush Road ready to shear tomorrow..

I stayed in bed.

Had another pajama day.

Much needed.

My cold is a tad better but I just needed some time out doing nothing major.

The day was clear with blue skies and the wind had dropped considerably.

The air temperature was still quite cold.

 

The ladies spent the morning weeding the flower garden.

I got up for a brief visit to the kitchen which ended up a bit longer than planned.

Ended up making some bread, lighting the fire, put the mutton back in to finish cooking, finding some fish chowder in the freezer to thaw for lunch and then making date scones.

I was hungry so took a couple back to bed and left the rest for the workers.

 

I spent the rest of the day in bed watching 'Brothers & Sisters' and knitting the little baby hoodie.

Got the sleeves finished and began the hood.

The musterers arrived back around lunch time.

I was served pizza and licorice tea in bed for lunch.

Héléna peeled and cut carrots for dinner and Azzan put them on the wood stove to cook along with some potatoes from the massive pile he peeled yesterday.

 

Margaret did some more sewing with Mahalia.

They made her horse fleece into a blanket and also made up the pillow cases from the horse fabric we had bought a while back.

There is no denying that she loves horses when you walk into her room

 

Azzan & Mahalia watched more of 'Glee'.

Azzan found the first series at the video hire shop so is working his way through it.

Shoshannah rested this arvo.

 

Dinner was a bit crazy.

Last night these three wwoofers will be with us.

 

Azzan got loose with my camera and had to get some arty shots.

I have used the delete button on quite a lot of the mega dozen he took!

His idea to use the upturned wine glasses as candle holders.

 

Mahalia & Azzan took the wwoofers down to see the penguins after dinner.

They saw one plus some phosphorescence in the sea.

I like that the evenings are darker earlier now, I can get the kids off to bed and have some evening to myself.

 

Happy 25th Birthday Brianna.
You sexy wee thing you!
Loved you heaps then, love you muchly more now

 

The day was calm and clear when I woke today.
Anson text to ask if I wanted to go out on the boat visiting.
But I was too exhausted.
Also checked the forecast and it was not looking promising.
Took a rain check on that idea for now.

He came around and got roasts of wild pork and mutton cooking in the wood oven for dinner.
Marah came for a visit too - always nice to see her and get my Marah-hug.
When they left I went and had a shower to warm up, put on several layers of clothes and pulled out a jersey to wear for the first time this year.
The weather has suddenly turned cold.

Margaret and Helena spent the morning gardening.
Christophe helped Anson with the dog kennels but it got so cold they had to give it away.
The wind came up and the bay turned white when the forecasted SE gale blew in.
They said it would rise to 50knots and it sure did.
The waves have been pounding the shore most of the day - I can still hear them pounding tonight.
If it is this rough in here then they must be copping a real good storm over on the east coast.
Heard tonight that the Wellington Ferry had to turn back, it couldn't get to Picton.

Brent & Sue came over from Homestead to pick up their mail and have a catch up.
They gave me a gorgeous rose bush called 'Courage'.

It is hard to capture the size of the waves in a still photo, but we barely have any wave motion at all in here usually so for us these are big waves.

The mailboat had a slow trip out of the bay as it ploughed into the waves.

Margaret sewed this arvo with Mahalia.
She lengthened her onesie and now Mahalia has her arms and legs covered adequately and is very happy & much warmer.

I spent the afternoon on the phone sorting out some things to do with Tim's accident.
I was not happy with something in the Coroner's Report so I called up and talked to the lady there.
She was lovely and asked me to email her my concern so she could get it fixed, then she discovered there was more that needed to be dealt with that the Coroner was not aware of, so she asked me to send her all the information I could.
So that meant I had to collate events of the night into some logical order, which meant I needed to get phone records etc.
That all took time but Vodafone was very helpful.
I now have to spend some time recalling 'the' night and getting it down on paper for her.
Hard but necessary.

I was also trying to do some accounting  stuff but for some reason the internet was not co-operating and everything was either really slow or just would not load.
So I ended up giving up.
That all put paid to the rest of my afternoon.

Azzan peeled a mountain of potatoes and cooked up some roasties.
I asked Christophe to cut up the pumpkin as I intended to roast it.
But when I finally got back to the kitchen they had cut it up into tiny pieces.
Misunderstanding/language barrier.
And the potatoes were well over cooked.
I was feeling somewhat fragile due to the past few hours.
It was nearly time to eat and dinner was nowhere close to being ready.
So I retreated into the pantry with Shoshannah, had a small melt down, and unloaded all my emotional frustrations.
She is a good listener and between us we made a new plan for dinner.
We found a delicious recipe in one of my new cook books for a pumpkin risotto so we made that for dinner.

Anson & Marah came for dinner.
I was gutted to find the mutton hadn't cooked enough.
Anson carved around the edges and put it back in the oven.
The pork was cooked properly so the others all ate well.
The kids & I don't eat pork, so there was enough mutton for the children and I went vegetarian, which I can handle no problem.

I quickly made a chocolate fudge self saucing pudding which went down a treat.
That and the pumpkin risotto balanced out the very over done roast spuds and the rather under cooked mutton!

Marah is on countdown.
4 weeks and 2 days to go till D Day!!
Isn't that a gorgeous baby bump there?

The internet connection is still being womble-ish so I am going to flag trying to load this tonight and hope that in the morning the internet fairies will have done their job overnight and all will be working swell again.

 

I had hired the fourth season of 'Brothers & Sisters' before we left town so I watched some of that instead.
I sorta identify with the mother in the series so guess that's why I am enjoying it.

When I finally turned off the dvd I snuggled down and tried to get comfortable.
It is so cold and lonely in my bed.
I had my electric blanket on while I was watching the dvd but when I tried to get to sleep I kept on feeling the coldness of Tim's side of the bed.
He was always there to keep me warm on cold nights.
This winter is going to be so hard.

I cried myself to sleep.