May 17, 2013

• Friday 17th May

   

   

   

  The previous day was so tumultuous day my brain was totally fugged.
  I ended up taking a hot mug of mocha to bed along with a slice of Camembert and some chilli chocolate and watching an episode of 'John Deed'.
  Azzan still wasn't completely asleep when I got to bed so he tossed and turned and didn't actually go to sleep until way after 1am.
  It was around 2:30am before I finally drifted off to sleep.

   

  I was woken at 7:30am by a phone call.
  Just Helene's mother calling her from Belgium.

  I staggered out to the kitchen and spent the next hour talking with Angela & Rut.
  They were waiting for the kids to wake so they could say goodbye.
  I was in a better frame of mind for socialising so we had a pleasant time before they left.
  Shoshannah fed them some left over fruit crumble from our last nights dessert.
  It always makes a good breakfast.
  Mahalia & Azzan finally woke and they were able to come and say their goodbyes before the girls hit the road.

  

  

  Helene finished painting Azzan's room so she cleaned up all the gear and put things away and wiped up spilled paint that had been traipsed down the hallway.

  Rain was threatening.

  By the time Anson arrived around midmorning it was setting in.
  He took the kids down to the woolshed to help do a kill.
  Shoshannah was helping Anson as she wants to learn how to kill a mutton.
  Azzan was all decked out in his pjs, one of Halia's cast off jackets and umbrella - perfectly dressed for the job

  

   

  Shoshannah was very thrilled with herself afterwards as she had killed one all by herself.
  She and Helene helped to skin the sheep and then carry them up to the meatsafe to hang.
  These are the least gorry photos that were taken.

  Skip down past next two photos if you are at all squeamish!!

   

   

  Shoshannah with the skinned muttons.

  

  The girls ready to carry two of them up to the safe.

  

   

   

  Love this photo.

  Anson cooking up the guts.
  To be able feed them to the dogs they have to either be cooked for a certain period of time above a specific temperature, or frozen for a specified time.

  He looks like he is is straight out of the pages of Macbeth.
  'Double, double toil and trouble;
   Fire burn, and caldron bubble.'

  

   

  Meanwhile back in the house amongst the daily mundane I was helping Mahalia sort out photos for her large multiframe.
  I took a break to have lunch and watch a 'John Deed' episode.
  Mailboat came.
  Interesting assortment of mail, including some large canvases of Tim and me that I had ordered.
  While I was getting them done for the kids I thought I would like some for me.
  But now they have arrived I am not so sure.
  It might be good to have his face on my wall but I would rather have him in my bed 

   

  Mahalia had already chosen the family photos she wanted so helped me resize them all to fit her frames.
  I got the photos all sorted and lined up on Pages ready to print.
  Amongst them was this one of my two youngest darlings.
  They can be so niggley towards each other but at other times they are so sweet.

  

   

  The afternoon was fairly chilled out.
  Before dinner I carried on sorting out some of the boxes of stuff.
  Managed to get the sewing patterns done and now have just a few left.
  Pointless hanging on to so much just in case.
  No doubt in time the rest will be biffed out too.
  Am just doing it in stages.

   

  We had dinner - had pulled a chilli con carne out of the freezer - thanks Abby
  Azzan began clearing the table before we had all finished.
  There was some banter about it.
  He made a comment which really hit my heart.

  He said, 'there's no fun in this house any more.'

  It belted me with a heap of very confused emotions all in one blow.
  I felt angry.
  I felt really sad.
  I felt distressed.
  I felt helpless.

  After dinner we were looking at more photos as I got them all finished off.
  Helene and Mahalia were sitting beside me on the couch and Azzan was jiggling around behind me.
  I was trying to get him to go to bed, of at least to sit still and give me a shoulder massage.
  They were talking about some foreign words as the kids like to learn different languages.
  I heard them say 'l'amour' which made me think of the old Dean Martin song 'That's Amore' so I found it on YouTube and played it to them.
  Of course I had to sing along with it with gusto.
  Helene played along with me and we ended up having a crazy laughing time over it.
  Don't think I have sold them on Deano yet
  But we did laugh and we did have fun together.

   

  I insisted that Azzan sleep in Shoshannah's spare bed so finally got him off to bed.
  The girls all headed off around 9pm.
  I banked up the fires and got some dessert and headed to my bed.
  The rain was still falling steadily.

   

  Before and throughout dinner I was receiving some very upsetting texts.
  I am sadly realising that someone I thought of as a friend last year is actually completely mentally unstable and is causing me a lot of angst.
  I don't know what to do about it.
  I cannot divulge much here but the person is creating some major problems for us.
  I am almost at the point of going to the police about it.

   

  Tonight I am feeling anxious, scared, sad, and unsure.
  I so wish I wasn't having to deal with all of this without Tim.
  I feel completely abandoned.

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

  • 4:40 pm
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