May 12, 2013
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Sunday 12th May
I stayed under my covers until Mahalia brought me breakfast.
The wee sweetie had made me poached eggs on toast with a mug of licorice tea.
I got her to bring in my new jar of capsicum chilli jam and I added that to the eggs - so good
I knew the three wwoofers were leaving this morning so I needed to be up to say goodbye by midmorning.
So after I finished my delicious breaky and had knitted a few more rows I got up and had a shower.
Something in the water brought on the tears and I crumbled
Christophe and Héléna watched Anson shear the sheep they had brought down yesterday.
Marah came round to do the wool.
They had all cleaned their rooms and were ready to leave before lunch.
Margaret left first as she wanted to stop off to visit Clarrie & Sythe where she had wwoofed before coming here.
I was really struggling to hold it together while they were all saying their goodbyes.
Azzan was being his crazy out there self.
Anson went out to get mussels.
Once they had all gone I totally lost it and sobbed and sobbed.
Marah was there and just held me close and let me cry.
I so love that girlI got some lovely Mothers Day messages from my four 'away from home' girls - love you all so much xxxx
While I had a short chat with Anson Marah spent time with Mahalia.
She was upset so Marah suggested she go out for a walk and find Olly.
So she went and spent time with him and brought him back with her.
She is finding it warm & comforting to wear her Dad's downie jacket.He grazed the lawn alongside Shoshannah's lamb, but while she was in the shower he decided to cruise the rest of the garden!
Naughty OllyAnson & Marah headed home to get ready for town.
They are doing an overnighter.It was actually nice to finally have the house to ourselves.
Shoshannah immediately got loose in the kitchen and cooked up a storm.
Decided we wouldn't have lunch or dinner - just cook one meal and have an early dinner.Graham came for a visit.
We got talking about a number of things so he didn't get to go home for a while.Because I have to write a letter to the Coroner and tell what happened from our end I am trying to get facts straight from all who were involved on that terribly night.
It is 12 weeks now so the memories are not as clear as they were then.
Also with all the stress and trauma things were such a blur at the time.
Phoned and talked things over with Sandra and Conny and got their take on things.
I am feeling angry and frustrated so it is a good thing to be getting my teeth into.
I need answers and I need facts.Today I was also very fragile and not coping with unnecessary stress so was incredibly short and bad tempered with an incorrigible Azzan, who was pushing me to the max, and also with some phone calls who were adding to my frustrations.
I did the best thing.
Cut off the phone.Hopped onto my bed with the kids and we ate our dinner - pasta & salmon salad, corn fritters and sausages - while watching a movie - 'Amazing Racer'.
It was a little poignant as it was about a girl who's father had died in a plane crash.
It was based on a true story and lovely to get involved in.Azzan was totally disgusted as he was not interested in watching 'another horse movie'!
So he went off and watched some more of 'Glee'.I sent Mahalia & Azzan out to do the dishes once it was finished.
I could see Mahalia was upset so I sent Azzan off to bed and we sat on the couch and cuddled for a while.
She cried and cried and cried.
She talked about all the things she missed about her Daddy, his smile, his hands, his voice, his laugh, the way he walked, his footsteps coming up the hall....
I can't take away her pain, but I can share it with her.
We all are bearing so much pain and grief it is overwhelming at times.
And today it was a hard day for us all.
The other two came out and we had a communal hug time.
We talked some more about what we want to do this week, and made some plans.The girls finally went off to bed but Azzan decided he needed to sleep with me.
So he is now cuddled up with William sound asleep beside me, still connected to his iPod.
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