March 8, 2013

• Friday 8th March

   

   

   

  I woke early but stayed in bed till I had to get up.

  I wonder if a broken heart heals if you rest it long enough?

  Don't really feel much like doing anything major yet.

  Kids are the same.

  They are doing stuff, but I can see their hearts are not really in it.

   

  Mahalia got stuck in and helped Azzan clean his room this morning.

  It looks great now.

  Cat & Shoshannah, Leann & Adina carried on building the glass house.

   

  Anson & Marah popped round to say g'day.

  Mahalia had some pressies for them.

  She had found some baby things a while op shopping.

  One was this sign for the truck!

  Of course Azzan found the obvious place for it right now

  

  

  Anson was in find fettle and was teasing the daylights out of Marah.

  Shades of his Dad

  They finally headed back home.

   

  I got the washing on but the water was just piddling into the machine.

  I really miss Timmy in such a practical sense at times like this.

  I answered a few phone calls.

  Don't really feel much like talking at the moment though.

  Not got a lot to say.

  It's just way too hard.

  Hopped into the spa while everyone was busy in the garden.

  So finally just before midday I was dressed.

  Later when Cat came down I asked her to look at two jobs for me.

  Sort out the washing machine filter and top up the spa.

  The filter cleaning took a bit longer because she had to get into the back of the machine and not just the tap filter, but it worked and the water is now pouring in.

  Then she connected the hose to the bathroom tap and filled up the spa.

  Since the new kitchen sink and taps have been put in Tim had found it easier to use the bathroom.

  It kept on flipping off but finally we got the job done.

  And while she did that I did the chemicals.

   

  Then we went for a walk up the steps to see the progress with the glass house building project.

  It's going to be great.

   

  Mail boat came at 2pm.

  Shoshannah & Azzan went down.

  I stayed up top.

  I was still trying to get some breakfast, and it was now 2pm so I decided to forget giving the meal any sort of classification and just ate food - poached eggs on toast!

   

  Azzan & Mahalia went swimming and then wallowed in the spa.
  

  I asked them to get dishes done and clean up the living room once they were dry and dressed.
  

   

  There was a huge pile of mail to open so I sat and ate and began opening cards.

  I am overwhelmed by the cards and generosity of folk.

  It is mind blowing.

  It took me ages to open everything.

  There was a large box to open.

  Azzan got stuck into it with a knife.

  Inside were small boxes, named for each of us individually, containing a photo mug, each mug decorated with photos pertaining to that individual and Tim.

  Such a thoughtful present - Thank you so much Ross and Lenore.

  There was another parcel for me.

  Inside I found this gorgeous collage under glass made for me by Conny.

  Thank you Conny - it is a treasure - I love it xxxx

  

  I must admit there were many choking tears as I opened the mail today.

  Lots of personal messages which brought back memories and emotions almost too much to contain.

  There was a  large bag from my girlfriend over in Perth.

  I kept it back to open it a bit later - Cat couldn't get it that I would leave the biggest till last

  Inside was this gorgeous soft cuddly bear, especially for me from Jacqui.

  He is in bed with me now Jac - love him to bits - thank you

  

   

  I sat in bed and tried to do some computer work later in the arvo but fell asleep.

  My mind is just not computing and my head is all wooly when it comes to business things.
  

  I can be clear and concise in same matters but other things are just doing my head in
  

   

  Shoshannah cooked dinner.

  I suggested macaroni cheese - nice easy comfort food.

  It was very tasty.

  It is really hard having meals around the table now.

  We are till all together but there is a huge void.

  Tim's chair is empty.

  Sometimes Azzan sits in it - but even when he does, it is still empty.

  I'm really trying to be there and to enjoy the meals with the family, but it is so damned hard siting there, looking down the other end of the table and not seeing Tim there.

   

   

  Tonight she wanted to watch the dvd of the funeral.

  As it was so long and the night was getting later I didn't want to watch it all.

  So we flicked through till we found parts we wanted to see.

  Soon I had Mahalia & Azzan in bed with me too.

  Shoshannah & Azzan saw some of it and then left for various reasons.

  Mahalia stayed with me and cried her way through it - esp the slide show.

  It is good to snuggle and cuddle and cry together.

   

  I all of a sudden saw a photo in the slide show.

  Just what I had been looking for.

  So after she had gone to bed I went searching for the original.

  I cropped it and came up with this beautiful photo taken at the end of last year while we were out on the Able Tasman boat.

  I was so delighted because Mahalia has desperately been wanting to find a recent photo of her and her Daddy.

  Isn't this a great one??

  

   

  On that note I am going to snuggle myself down and try to get some sleep.
  

  The troops are getting up at 5:30am tomorrow to go grubbing weeds for a few hours and then there is talk of them sailing out to D'Urville for a night or two.
  

   

   

   

   

   

  • 5:33 am
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