February 24, 2013

• Friday 22nd February

   

   

   

  I woke early.

  Sleep covers the pain but I'm not getting much of it.

  The early hours of the morning are so quiet.

  It was so comforting to have Marah snuggled in here beside me.

  She is such a blessing and support to me.

  Anson, you have chosen a good woman.

  Make sure you tell her every day that you love her, cherish her as much if not more than your Dad cherished me.

  She loves you so much.

  Thank you for finding a treasure.

  I am so blessed with the choices my children have made in their partners.

  Each one has special strengths which have really come to the fore this week.

  Phoebe & Marah - I couldn't ask for better extra daughters - both of you are surrounding me with such obvious love and compassion.

  Nick - you have been a tower of strength, without you we would never have known it was possible to bring Tim home, without that little clue you found, we would never have know to ask.

  It has been such a comfort to just know I can rest and let you carry on with the organising of it all.

  Mat - you and your Dad - thank you both for your quiet 'just getting in there and being where ever you have been needed' spirits.

  Your support for my precious daughter and us all is immense.

  She has been so unwell this week and you have cared for her and treasured her as well as the rest of us - thank you.

  Wilf's understanding and humour has been so appreciated.

  Leann, you in your own quiet way have been amazing. Just getting in and being and doing whatever and whenever.

  Your care and love towards us all.

  It has not gone unnoticed - thank you.

   

  Azzan found this wee bird.

  It had stunned itself on the window.

  I love his tenderness, he was most concerned for it's wellbeing.

  He was so gently with it - so like his Daddy.

  

  

   

  I didn't have to be anywhere.

  So I just stayed at the house.

  There was a lot of coming and going.

  The day was incredibly hot.

  Christine ministered to everyone with drinks and food and the care that she does so well.

  Christine, I cannot thank you enough for all you have done for us this week.

  There was a lot of fellowshipping as we passed back and forth through the garage and admired the incredibly rugged and wonderful coffin that was under construction there.

  Martin & Sylvia arrived just before all the chaos, as did David & Eilidh.

  There was lots of introductions, hugging, talking, reminiscing.

  All the young folk were milling around making plans.

   

  Jesika & Evan to suss the florist for their wedding with Sasha.

  Then joined Sunni & Mat at Hangar 58 with Nathan for lunch.

  Then they went to visit their Dad.

  It was a very emotional time for them.

   

  There was no more to be done to the coffin until the boys arrived back from the farm.

  There was too many people and too many plans for me to cope with.

  So I gave the 3 younger kids money for each of their needs/wants and told them to go!

  Shopping with their older siblings.
  

  No second invite was required - they were gone in a flash
  

   

  Whew!

  Collapseville!

  I spent the rest of the morning relaxing and chatting with Martin, Sylvia, David & Eilidh.

  I was so, so tired.

  I was also incredibly grateful for Phillipa & Sally who were both busy in the background running about sorting all the last minute things to ensure the next day would flow well.
  

   

   

  We had to be at the church at 4pm.

  We all met to run through how the funeral service would happen.

  Tony was wonderful, we seriously couldn't have chosen a better person to help us through this.

  His compassion and love for us all has been so evident.

  He talked us through the order of the next day, listened to our questions and prayed with us.

  Sally, Colin, Bri & Shoshannah went through the music together.

  Then all the young ones gathered in the side room to talk about what they wanted to say and do at the service to honour their Dad and Dad-in-law.

   

   

  After that I went to the funeral home to spend some time with Tim.

  I just sat with him, talked to him, stroked his hair and held his precious loving hands and cried and cried and cried.

  Those hands were the ones that have loved me, cherished me, touched me, tickled me, cared and provided for me and our family.

  Nathan had been to see his Dad earlier in the day and left a note tucked in his hands.
  

  It was so precious.
  

  

  I just cannot believe this.

  I cannot believe he has gone from me.

  It is all so so surreal.

  Everyone is going on about how amazing I am being, but I don't feel amazing.

  I am so full of such an emptiness and aloneness.

  I am surrounded by so much love from my precious family and friends, but I just feel so so alone.

   

  Phillipa & Ella waited there with me.

  All the family arrived much later - I think around 7.

  They had the coffin finished and brought it down.

  It was so big that they had problems getting it in through the doors.

  Had to come in the front ones!

  The kids spent time writing on the lid, talking, hugging, crying, it was a very gentle time.

  

  Mahalia wanted to see her Daddy so I took her in.

  She knew he had gone - she said 'He doesn't smell like my Daddy'.

  She just hugged him and cried and cried and cried.

  It was a very special time for her and me together.

  Mahalia had written this on his shirt months ago.

  This was so Tim - he was always Sunny Side Up.

  

  Anson found her a pen and she wrote more loving messages to him on his shirt as the sobs just wracked her whole being.

   

  

  

   

  Azzan Timothy popped in for a few moments but he needed to leave.

  Then he spent the rest of the time ministering to his siblings.

  He is such a servant hearted treasure.

  He has his Daddy's name and his spirit.

  Shanni and Bri had their moments with him.

  It was such a hard time, but such a special time.

  My kids are all strong - but they are broken hearted.

   

  The strength and simplicity of Bri's message says it all.

  

   

  It is such a big chunky box that it wouldn't fit through into the rooms so we had to park it in the hall way.

  

  Anson thought it was just the right height for a bar - needed to be leaned on!

  

   

   

  We finally had to leave as it was getting so late.

  We headed back to David & Sasha's for dinner.

  David & Sasha - I cannot thank you both enough for opening your house to us to descend on, take over, collapse in.

  You have feed our bodies, and our souls.

  We love you both so very very much - thank you for being here with us and for us.

   

  Christian had spent all day working on the slide show for the service.

  I had given him the music and photos.

  Just before we left I asked him if I could see the finished results.

  It is wonderful.

  When he has uploaded it I will post a link here for it.

  It is over 6 minutes long, he had the photos in perfect sync with the words.

  But when I got to the end and saw the photo he had finished it in I completely lost it.

  Phillipa held me and I sobbed uncontrollably.

  It was just all too much.

  Christian - thank you from the bottom of my heart for the time and love you have put into helping us record our lives.

  You have blessed us more than you can ever know with your gift throughout the years.

  But this tribute is amazing.

   

  No wonder the one you posted on Facebook went viral!

  Here it is for all of you who have not yet seen the first shorter version.

  Tribute video for Tim.

   

   

   

   

   

   

  • 1:44 pm
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