February 19, 2013

• Tuesday 19th February

   

   

   

  Once I fell into bed sometime after 2am I tossed and turned.

  I couldn't sleep.

  My stomach was twisted in knots, I couldn't get warm or comfortable.

  There was such a huge void in my bed and my heart.

  I eventually cried myself to sleep and was woken by the alarm at 5am.

  Shoshannah came to hug me.

  She had had a similar night.

   

  I showered and woke the kids up and asked them to pack extra clothes as we would not be returning home for a while.

  I am not sure when I took this photo of Mahalia's fingernail painting - it is her hobby and she is always coming up with pretty paintings to show me.

  But somehow her happy fingernails help to throw some light into a dark morning.

  

  We could see Tardis was already at the wharf as we packed the Terrano.

  Mahalia went down to ask Noel to come up.

  We talked and hugged and he assured me of his support and that I was not to worry about the boat or business, he would take care of it all.

  Then the kids and I piled into the Terrano and left home at 6am.

  Seb walked up the hill to meet us and hopped in the back and hugged Mahalia & Azzan as we headed out.

  We drove on and as we got closer to where we had been told the accident had happened, we slowed to find it.

  It was very obvious plus a large white arrow was painted on the bank marking the spot.

   

  

  We could see plainly where the Safari had gone over the bank.

  There was plenty of room but in saying that it was the narrowest spot in the road at that point.

  But the mower had just cut the verge and as he has driven around the mower the soft ground under the back wheel has given way and there was only one way it could go

  It was a sad sobering time for us as we stood and contemplated what had happened.

  

  It was such a steep narrow gut with so much undergrowth, we could not see the vehicle.

  It was apparently about 160m below us.

  

  We detoured down to Te Towoka and left Seb there.

  Harry & Liz have lent him their truck as we don't have enough vehicle seats now.

  He drove home and then he and Anson came back and went down the hill to find the Safari.

  He has shown me photos they took.

  It is almost unrecognizable.

  it has slipped, rolled and then bounced and Timmy was thrown out and landed about 20m away.

  Later in the day when Seb, Phoebe, Anson, marah, Cat & Leann drove out they saw the Serious Crash Unit guys there so they stopped to talk.

  Once they realised who the kids were they couldn't have been more understanding and helpful.

  They assured us that it would have happened incredibly fast and Ti would have died immediately.

  It doesn't help the pain but it does help to know he didn't suffer before the beating his poor poor head and body endured.

   

  The children and I drove on.

  The morning fog over Hallam Cove was so beautiful.

  It gave me a sense of a new dawning and God's blessing in amongst the dark dark days.

  

  

   

  When I got to town I straight away found Nathan, he was at work.

  We hugged - tight.

  Then I went to the Police Station as I had no idea where Tim was or what to do.

  Once I described to Constable Nathaniel the horrendous manner in which I found out about Tim's death he couldn't do enough for me.

  I left him to make phone calls to find out where and what and how, and I took the children into the city centre.

  They needed to do some normal stuff and Katherine was walking to meet them.

  Shoshannah & Azzan met her at Colombus Cafe and Mahalia & I got a Starbucks frappaccino - I was seriously in need of some caffeine and sugar by this point!

  Then I dropped Mahalia off at MINX Hair.

  I had booked her a special hours treatment there.

  Then I went back to the police station.

  Philipa soon arrived to support me.

  We eventually were passed on to Constable Sharon who took us and the Victim Support guy to the hospital.

  Graham & Sally met us there.

  Graham & I just hugged and cried.

  Then we were taken through the maze of hospital corridors and eventually were at the door of the mortuary.

  Another senior police officer met us there and made sure I understood that Tim had suffered some very severe head injuries.

  When I walked into the room I actually thought it was someone else and that we were going on to another room to see him

  But then I realised that it was my Timmy.

  His poor poor face was so battered and bruised and swollen.

  He had taken such a severe hammering.

  I was so grateful to hear from the coroner later that he had broken a cervical and thoracic vertebrae which would have killed him instantly.

  I just help him and cried and cried and cried.

  I didn't want to leave him.

  Everyone was so good and just let me k=have the time I needed, but it still wasn't enough.

  It will never be enough.

  This hand will never hold mine again.

  This precious hand, which loved me so much and so often.

  

  These tough hardworking precious precious feet which withstood so much and went so many places with me are now resting with His Lord.

  

   

  When I could bring myself to leave. I then had to fill out the formal ID form.

  What broke my heart was when I had to write down how long I had known him.

  How long??
  For a lifetime!

  And that was just not enough

  We went back tot he Police station and had time with the Victim Support guy and just talked and made plans as much as I could.

  Graham whizzed out to the airport at 1pm and picked up Christine.

  Then I realised I was absolutely starving so we decided it was time to go.

   

  Graham went and hung out with Nathan - they had 3 very special hours together.

  Sally, Christine, Phillipa & I went to Crusoe's.

  I needed to go somewhere I knew to people who would support and love me.

  Not some cold sterile cafe.

  Sally took a list of jobs that I needed to have done and went off to do a couple before meeting us there.

  Anat & Rami opened their arms and hearts to us and fed us with love and food.

  Rami made me this amazing chicken sandwich and especially made me his onion rings which he knows I love.

  

  Sally made short work of her steak sandwich and Christine thoroughly enjoyed the fresh smoked salmon salad.

  

  Then to continue the loving Rami brought out this platter of Black Forest cake and Baklava.

  We couldn't eat much but the small amount we did was delicious.

  

   

  The day was disappearing so we had to move on.

  Philipa had a meeting in Richmond and Sally needed to go home.

  Graham met me at the insurance office.

  I was so glad I had made the time to meet up with Alan.

  He was so helpful and supportive and helped to clarify some practicalities and worked with me and the lawyer and Coroners office.

  I had a call from the Coroner in Auckland with their immediate findings.

  There will be more to come.

   

  Graham & Christine then took the harp and went to meet Mahalia at her lesson.

  I went to Starbucks and visited a chemist for some sleeping stuff.

   

  Went up to Winningtons to get kids.

  Bri & Phillipa were there.

  Some very serious hugging time

  We all went back to David & Sasha's and congregated there for a family bbq dinner.

  I couldn't face everyone immediately so David took me for a walk around the block.

  We talked and cried together.

  Then it was time to go hug Cat - my poor wounded daughter with her arm in a sling.

   

  We had a lovely evening together - despite the biting insects!

  Sitting around the brazier was calming and therapeutic as we all talked.

   

  Eventually we had to leave as it was after 10pm and the glass coach was about to turn into a pumpkin.

  Ross & Andrea had already taken Azzan & Christine home and they were sound asleep when I arrived.

  I showered and then sat up and read all the wonderful messages and tributes to my special darling that have been pouring in all day.

  I cannot thank my friends and family from all over the globe for all your love and support right now.

  It means so much.

   

  I have typed this with tears pouring down my face.

  I need to keep blogging.

  Timmy always said I could write well and it is the one way I can express myself and communicate with you all.

  It is also my journal.

  I hope one day in the future I can read back and the tears will not be so many and the wonderful memories will have clouded the pain of today.

   

   

   

   

   

   

  • 2:48 pm
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